Parenting Support

Are you starting to wonder how I can help you with my wellbeing work? Many people ask what working with me can do for them, and if I’m having a conversation with you, I can explain it in the moment. If you’ve only “met me online” reading other people’s experiences can help you decide if you’re interested in my support, and as a new testimonial landed in my email inbox today, I thought I would share it with you.

This feedback is from Eunice, a woman who is committed to being the best parent that she can be. Our time together has enabled her to review where she’s at, and revisit her parenting approach and understand where she was in alignment – and where she wanted to make some changes.  This was what she had to say,

“Naomi, the conversations we’ve had have been really useful. Parenting is something that doesn’t come naturally to me, so to have your insight is invaluable. This sort of help and support should be available to everyone.

I have read a few parenting books and am always reviewing how I interact with my now teenage child. However, your ability to see what kind of relationship we have and how I can move it on as he matures is something I never would have gained from a “how-to” book. Lately I’ve seen quite a few teenagers “go off the rails” and it both baffles and worries me. Your support allows me to evolve my parenting to give my child the best possible chance of a happy and successful life.”

Eunice Ho.

Some of my blogs to date may be of interest if you’re a parent looking for a bit more support. If you have a more complex situation and are interested in talking with me, do contact me on 0845 643 9668. I offer a free 30 minute consultation and whether or not we decide to work together, you will leave with at least one key action to take as a result of our call.

Naomi

Help me quickly find motivation to do a job that I don’t want to do right now, but have to.

Another day I will discuss the phrase “have to,” but for right now let’s go through a quick technique.

1) Be as clear as you can be about what you need to do.

2) Find your “WHY.” Why do you need to do X? What will it do for you?

E.g. if you have to do your tax return, ask yourself what completing it will mean.

3) WHAT? What are all the things you need easily available to you to help you do it. Include an incentive if necessary. (Chocolate – raw / otherwise; piece of exotic fruit; a walk in the country etc. Whatever will do it for you.)

4) NOTE down any key steps that need to be take – they help to keep you progressing.

5) What can you be GRATEFUL for that’s strongly related to the task?
E.g. Thank you for the money flowing in my life. (Works for tax returns; bank balancing; paying bills etc.)
Thank you for the hygienic situations available to me. (Works for cleaning, the house, the sink, the toilet!)
Thank you for food that nourishes me. (Works for making dinner, packed lunch, gardening your vegetable patch etc.)

Then, as you start the task keep saying to yourself what you’re grateful for. Really try and connect with your statement. Feel into it as much as you can. As you start to feel connected to your gratitude let that energy flow through your body and out through your fingers as you get to work.

Imagine how different getting down to that task feels now?

What does failure really mean?

What does FAIL really mean to you? Did your idea or project never get off the ground? Did it look like your expedition was going gung ho, but then it crashed to a shuddering halt never to see the light of day again? Does it mean that things didn’t go as you had hoped?

You can easily slip into a certain mindset that says if things didn’t turn out exactly as you wanted, or better, then you’ve failed. 

How often do you really fail though? Sure, you might not have passed your driving test first time, but did you listen to the feedback, have a few more lessons and practice hours and try again? Maybe you failed some of your O’ Levels or GCSE’s or other academic exams? Perhaps you re-took them or perhaps you chose a different path forward instead?

One of my friends posted on Linked In that her son’s school turned it into an acronym: First Attempt In Learning.

FAIL = FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING

I LOVE this. First Attempt In Learning. What a wonderful perspective. Reflect on one of your perceived “failures” and then review it as a First Attempt in learning. How does it make you feel with each different perspective? Which perspective would you rather have as your default?

You might have several attempts in learning, and each time you learn how to navigate the waters a little easier; cope with the hurdles a little bit better; ride the waves if the crash happens. Eventually, having practiced similar opportunities you don’t fail – in fact you SAIL – you have a successful attempt in learning! Having introduced the acronym during a recent workshop, my assistant, Neil, devised that one.

SAIL = Successful Attempt In Learning

As you continue to practice, to thrive, you might even arrive at TAIL – triumphant attempt in learning!

TAIL – Triumphant Attempt in Learning  

I have a little image of a dog wagging it’s tail vigorously at that one!

So, give it a go. Share with your children and your work colleagues. Lift the mood and keep your development going. Share your thoughts below.

Naomi

 

 

 

Intuition – how can it help my wellbeing?

Intuition / noun. 1. Immediate apprehension by the mind without reasoning. 2 immediate apprehension by a sense. 3. Immediate insight.

Intuit / verb. 1. know  by intuition 2. receive knowledge by direct perception

Apprehension / noun. 1. A sense of uneasiness… 2. understanding, grasp. … 4. an idea: a conception.

The Oxford English Reference Dictionary, Second Ed. 1996

Do you tend to act impulsively? Respond to your gut instinct? Do you do want you want to even if you can’t explain it to others (or even yourself?)

You probably don’t now, but can you remember a time when you did? For many of us, we have to cast our minds back to childhood. Maybe your food arrived on a plate and you instantly said “Great!” or “Yuk!” until you eventually learnt to say “Thank you.” and eat it – unless it made you physically sick.

Did love at first sight ever happen for you? (Even if the relationship didn’t work out?) Your eyes met, and you just knew that they were the one.

Perhaps when you buy a car you go through everything in great detail, or you set your budget and look for a colour or shape you like?

How many decisions have you made and then come to regret them later? Are they little day-to-day decisions or do they tend to the BIG decisions?

Intuition is something we started out with, but often as we learn the rules of life – or have them drummed into us – we start to mistrust our intuition. We stop listening to ourselves, or we start shrinking our world so that we are kept safe. Worse, we learn other responses and believe that they are our intuition – we are confused and we don’t even know it!

Imagine someone offers you an opportunity and you’re not sure. You say you’ll think about it. You do think about it, mostly to persuade yourself that this isn’t the right opportunity, or the right time or the right person, and so you don’t take that opportunity. You might get another opportunity, or you might not. Who knows, but you are safe, So that’s that.

Now, imagine you take that opportunity – maybe it’s a business venture, maybe it’s acting on that Love at First Sight, maybe it’s about crossing the road while there’s no traffic coming! Your knees knock; your head feels giddy; your hands might even shake a little, but you take it.  You take it and then what? Well, then what is that the next step happens, whatever that may be depending on the opportunity.

What happens if the romance fails? Well, I would question deeply what you mean by fail. Do you mean it doesn’t lead to a “Cinder-f***ing-ella” [quote from Pretty Woman] style happy ever after? Instead you’re heartbroken and sob for days on end? You’re never going to enter into a relationship ever again? If these are your type of reactions, I would guess you’re one of my younger readers (or one who is interested in working with me so you don’t have these type of reactions.)

The thing is if you don’t act on your intuition, NOTHING will happen. You definitely won’t have that romance; or get the job because you haven’t taken the step of applying for it.     It’s highly likely that nothing will change in your life and you feel stuck.

Sometimes your intuition tells you to “go for it.” Sometimes it’s telling you to stop, or avoid something or someone. The key is for you to listen to it; tune in, (three deep breaths helps) and act on it. The more you act on it, the clearer your intuition will become. It’s quite exciting, a little scary, and could even be a lot of fun!

It’s less stressful because you tend to make your decisions quicker when you’re using your intuition and once you’ve made the decision you feel a relief or a sense of excitement. SO, it’s great for your wellbeing because it means you have more time and energy rather than being bogged down in thinking about things over and over. You make the decision, act on it and move on which is much healthier for you.

If you can find a way to start listening to your instincts again, and learn how to act on them and enjoy the journey they take you on, life will have a vibrancy that you haven’t connected with for a while.

Post your comments below about the choices you’ve made using your intuition,

Naomi

 

SMART Goals or Intuitive Goals?

Yesterday I wrote about Liz who had set her goals with such tight parameters that when her health plummeted and she wasn’t able to work towards her goals in the way that she wanted she felt a failure.

I’m starting from the mindset that setting goals is important and something that I believe can support us and enrich our lives – if we use the most suitable approach for us at the time. This post also assumes you have a working knowledge of goal setting and why it can be beneficial. If you don’t, please leave a comment asking me for a post about goal setting – why and what.

When we set goals being very specific can really help motivate us, but it can also cause angst if something outside of our control changes. Sometimes we are so committed to a specific goal that when circumstances change we still cling to our original goal regardless, not realising what we are doing.

This happened to me years ago. I was hired by a telecomms company to go in and make some big changes in a team. The day I arrived, the boss of my department, who had hired me welcomed me and then said that he was leaving the company – that day. His deputy was going with him; and the other senior manager didn’t have a lot to do with my team. They were setting up their own company which was a rival to the department, so no surprise, they were literally being escorted out the building. I knew what I’d been hired to do though, so I got on with it.

However, what I didn’t at any point realise was that no-one else knew what I’d been hired to do. I also had a team member who loved her old manager – who now sat 2 desks away from me. I had no idea that my goal of improving this team’s performance was constantly being undermined from within the department and that the incoming management had no conception of what I was doing. A couple of other people understood what I was working towards, the rest just didn’t get it, or me.

Would you have succeeded in those circumstances?

I certainly didn’t; I crashed and burned. Spectacularly.

My confidence disappeared; my self-esteem non-existent, and although I was diverted to another job for the company which went really well and allowed me a career highlight, I ultimately felt damaged by the whole experience and it took me years to learn from the experience which developed my Organisational Development Skills fantastically, but even longer to regain my self-esteem.

SMART goals are really great for when you’re looking to achieve something specific, but what I find with most of my clients is that they are past SMART goals; they are ready for something much more intuitive.

How can you use intuition for your goal setting?

The quickest way to connect with your intuition is to take three deep breaths – all the way down as if you are breathing into your stomach, and then slowly, breathe all the way out. This helps you calm down and gives oxygen to your brain which relaxes it – so you’re reacting from a place of peace, not a place of panic or mild anxiety or stress.

You might start with an intention such as, “I want  a new job.” Ask yourself why you want a new job. What will it do for you? What kind of job? Are you furthering your career or having a change? Are there skills that you want to sharpen? Do you want a lifestyle change? Doing a brainstorm of all the things are important to you around your goal is really useful.

Once you’ve got all your thoughts and feelings out on paper, ask yourself what else is important to you about this goal? Write it all down. Ask yourself this at least three times after you feel that you’ve got everything out of your mind and onto paper.

You might even want to then write out your goal as a SMART goal.

Once you’re happy that you’re all set, ask yourself one of the earlier questions again. Start on a fresh piece of paper and in the middle put “What [your goal] will do for me.”

Breathe and answer with what it will really do for you. Perhaps getting a new job will allow you to spend more time with your family. Maybe a new home will allow you to have the space you want for entertaining. Imagine that you’re going deeper into the “Why” and “I want this because…” Eventually you might get to statements such as

I want to spend more quality time with family because I want to offer a strong relationship.

I want a job that allows me more time to pursue my hobbies because my body feels better when I spend time on them.

I want more space to allow myself freedom.

These are the intentions you are setting. So, really this is about setting intentions.

What’s my intention with this goal?

To finish off the exercise, then be sure to be open to new ideas that give you the end result even if it’s in a different way that you had originally expected. How many people do you know who thought they needed to move house for more space, but actually were able to extend their current house to get exactly what they wanted (and they probably saved money too!) ?

Do share in the comment box what goals you might try this approach with – and come back and share your successes too!

Naomi

 

 

 

Why SMART Goals aren’t always the way to go.

Goal setting the smart way can be useful, but isn’t always the best approach.

Liz, a recent client of mine, once set her 5 year goals using the SMART approach. Everything was mapped out for her work, her money, her relationship, her home. The lot. Hours, in fact, days (probably weeks!) were spent dreaming then clarifying then writing them out in infinitesimal detail.

6 months later she crashed with M.E. (not a great surprise if you realise that she lived her life in the same way she approached her goal setting.) Sadly for her, she felt a failure because she simply could not achieve any of her goals. Even worse, she was so attached to them that she couldn’t modify them. Because it was all to her, it became nothing – and that’s how she felt.

When I first became self-employed, I set my business goals, and then when I becane pregnant, I simply changed them to accommodate a short, planned, maternity leave. However, when my son was born, my world turned upside down and none of my goals were achievable. I was torn in two. 

I love my work + I love my son = complete confusion!

Who else wants to collapse because of a deep, attachment to unsuitable goals? 

After a few years, that is exactly what happened to me, which is why I could support my client with ME, as well as others under chronic stress and with adrenal fatigue.

So, in today’s uncertain economic (and political) climate, how do we set goals that are achievable AND flexible?

Tomorrow, I will introduce you to Intuitive Goal-Setting.

See you then,

Naomi

 

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