Stuck.
Stuck, sucks.
You might not be able to think clearly. You’re probably going round in circles in your head. Sometimes, the circles are so large that you don’t even realise that you’re stuck in the same old loop. Again, and again and again.
You might start to realise when you start to listen to yourself. Maybe you hear yourself saying the same thing to the kids, “Put your washing in the washing basket.” “I’m not your servant.” Or you say to your husband, “not tonight, darling.” Again.
Stuck looks like piles of washing left all over your house. It looks like the dishes piled up in the sink. It looks like the same bit of carpet hoovered every week, when all around it isn’t touched. Stuck can look like inches thick of dust, or sounds like a dripping tap. Stuck is chewing gum on the sole of your shoe – you can walk with it there, but it’s a lot harder than it needs to be.
Stuck is a constant barrage of noise in your head; or the deafening sound of silence.
Stuck feels heavy. Heavy in your body, in your mind. Stuck feels like you’re drained of energy. Stuck feels like pushing mud uphill. Stuck feels like you want to cry but the tears won’t come; or are so scared that once you start the tears you’re frightened they may never stop and you worry that you might drown.
Stuck can be a choice. Sometimes, we are too scared to take a step forward, or after a few steps we slide back into where we spent years. Sometimes we know we CAN do something, but we choose not to. Maybe out of fear – we can be as frightened of success as we are of failure.
Stuck can be staying in a relationship long after it has evaporated. Or playing the same role in a marriage that you’ve always played because it feels safe, or we worry our spouse won’t love us anymore if we change. Or we’re stuck in our beliefs.
Being stuck serves you. This is why you stay stuck. It feels comfortable. It feels like home. Above all it feels safe. Even when it really isn’t, but you have become so used to it that it’s almost like a second skin. You believe that where you are stuck is why you are stuck, and you continue to stay stuck. Round and round in circles. Again.
It’s deeply unsatisfying. It’s empty, but it’s what you know so well that you stay there. Because to try something else is unthinkable.
Or is it?
If you get to the point where being stuck is no longer comfortable; where you start to feel an irritation, a prickling to the point where it’s downright uncomfortable – you might even feel that you have no choice but to change – then you’re already becoming unstuck.
Sometimes, you have the resources to hand, easily available to pick up and run with. Sometimes, you have to search a little harder – maybe read a new book, or spend some time creating a plan (and actually taking the action.)
Sometimes, you know you want to become unstuck, but you’re not sure how to, or you don’t have anyone that can help you.
Sometimes, you ask for help but friends and family have a vested interest in keeping you stuck – they don’t know that’s what they’re doing, but the way they respond can make you believe that you shouldn’t make the changes after all.
This is where a professional coach can help. Someone who is not involved in the day-to-day of your life; someone who is objective, who is able to see the meaning behind your words, and the energy beneath your actions. Someone who can help you through the changes however challenging they become; or support you through the sea of emotions that wash up.
P.S if you’re feeling ready to move from where you feel stuck and you’d like to explore how I can help, call 0845 643 9668 or email change@coresense.co.uk
Time to become unstuck?
Naomi Martell-Bundock
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